I need to lay down my life.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010 @ 3:17:00 AM
Mann, suddenly just felt like posting. hah.
mmm, been not really okay recently.
like ya, although nothing much happened, but ya, stagnant, lukewarm.
argh, sometimes, it's just really frustrating. ...
like ya, people are going for SOW audi, getting in, etc..
it made me kinda like, i also want leyyy .
aye...
re read the message pastor text me.
first time i read it, it was like ya, ok, can. i didnt really get it.
after reading it the second time, it was like BAMMM!
YOU GOTTA LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE TO REAP A HARVEST.
wow. i was awestruck.
i know that things are different now, like i have changed and so have everything around me.
im not as naive, ambitious, etc, im kinda contented.
im just lacking that love, that faithfulness, that consistency.
mann, although i know how much everything means to me and the people around me,
yet i chose to be not okay once again. to go back to the emo zone.
i really had enough. God help me please.
please.
i feel that i really need to get back to my first love, which is You.
come back, come back to your first love~
I know it will take time and everything, help me not to give up so easily.
help me to be faithful, help me to fall in love with you once again.
cause i know, when you are the first thing on my heart,
what matters most to you will matter as much to me.
and that every lil part of my life, every moment, every motion, at the end of everything, i will reach that point where you planned i will me. the best place i can ever be.
ThankYou, for everything. iloveyou.
Probably
Sunday, April 4, 2010 @ 12:15:00 AM
haha. long time no post.
I can say that I'm already used to the Sec3 life.
the hectic, never-ending-homework, etc, life.
been a long while since i went to church.
as tuition clashes with service timing exactly.
service - 11-1
tuition - 12.30-2
aye, sian right. ayeee, but nvm, i got to go for service last friday as it was Good Friday! :D
haha, really glad that altough i hesitated for valid reasons, but i still made the right choice!
which is TO GO!
when i reached there, i was afraid, i felt bad, guilty, ashamed?
hmmm, dont know how to exactly bring it across, but that's roughly it.
like i felt bad for letting my emotions affect me so much.
that i would just let go of what i really cherish. - God, Church, People, My Destiny.
ya, but suddenly this thought came to me,
'my problems, worries, stress, seems so Big, so impossible to-get-by that kind,
but once i come to church, i will feel why did i feel this way and that way out there.
why will i regret everything that i do? the answer, God is greater than all our problems.
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH HIM! '
haha, yeahhh, as for sermon, Pastor preached about happiness.
happiness is basically to know where you come from, who you really are and where you are going.
when she said that, i was like, 'but i still don't know who i am and where i am going.'
...
alter call, Pastor called for members who are confused, tired, etc. to be brave and go up to get prayed for.
But i didn't.
haha, when i heard what she said, in my heart, i really really really wanted to go up.
aye, i was afriad of what pastor will say, like i'm afriad to hear that they are disappointed and stuffs.
in the end, rebecca came and ask me, so i decided to give it a go (:
when i got up to the front, i was really nervous, was really nervous about what God will tell me.
I wanted to hear God's voice, I wanted to see images, visions, etc.
I wanted it really badly.
even as pastor laid her hands on me, tears fell down uncontrollably,
i dont know why i cried, i just felt God, His love was so powerful that He don't need to speak,
it will just touch you and make you feel so loved.
it has been a long long long time since i felt him in such a real way.
the last time was a few weeks after i came to RN and chenxi talked to me.
telling me what God told her, that she was His precious daughter...
And i started sobbing, as if God is telling that to me.
haha, thinking bout it, just really makes me really amazed by God. :D
yeahh, on with the prayer.
pastor told me,
'... Winnie, don't let your bitterness rob you of your dreams, your destiny, ...
you know, you know that you have a destiny, a purpose in life. ...'
at first i hear that, i knew, i knew that i had to let go of my bitterness,
i don't want to lose everything i loved just because of hatred, bitterness, unhappiness.
yeah. overall it's like that.
i really hope that i can breakthrough. attend service faithfully etc.
aye, damn tuition, i can't go.
pastor told me to pray that the day of tuition will change.
and i really did and really hope that it will! :D
With God, Nothing is Impossible! (:
Let's wait for the good news. ((:
